It seems my dad has developed a Super Power. For reals, people, I'm totally not making it up.
My dad has acquired the ability to clean mirrors and glass to a sparkling shine using just his tear drops and spit.
I call him..... The Cleaner.
Clad in silicone (cause, seriously, who uses latex anymore?) he has a myriad of cleaning accessories stored in secret compartments all over his suit. Except paper towels. He's trying to be environmentally conscious, so he only carries reusable supplies.
He might even be able to do ovens, but I don't know, I haven't tried yet.
How does one procure such awesome super powers? In my dad's case, we've recently learned that his extraordinary powers come from an increase in ammonia in his body. Three times the legal limit, actually.
Was it an accidental explosion in a lab? Is he really an alien from outer space? Did he get bit by a crazed radioactive insect?
Sorry to say it's not as dramatic as any of that. He simply has a liver that doesn't want to function in the way good livers should. And the human body is not built to function on blood laced with Windex. So my father has chosen to give up his new-found Super Powers (he really wasn't into cleaning all that much anyway, and that silicone is just not breathable!) and become a regular nobody again.
A top team of military doctors and scientists are working on this ultra-classified detoxification project.
So don't tell anybody!
In the meantime, on the opposite side of the country, I'm reading "Watchmen," which is that comic book graphic novel that the movie was based on. Although I am only about 20% geek, and have never read a comic book graphic novel in all my life, this one sounded pretty good so I thought I'd give it a shot. And it IS really good! I can totally understand the escapism these geeks fans get from these comic books graphic novels.
Especially when things are a little less-than-happy in Happily-Ever-After-Land.
Speaking of supers, I bet you didn't know there's a few more Super Heroes in the family.
There's The CareTaker - that's my sister. She was visiting The Cleaner at his secret hide-out when the toxicity levels started to rise. She's there now, overseeing the medical team.
And then, of course, Captain Patience and his sidekick GiggleBox. Captain Patience, with his Broad Shoulders, has been putting up with me, hanging around in my pajamas, not doing anything but crocheting flowers on the couch, and saying nothing about my general funk and inability to do anything worthwhile. Last night, Captain Patience made the Ultimate Sacrifice.... he watched a rerun of NCIS with me. That's like cryptonite to my mild mannered husband. But not Captain Patience! And GiggleBox, with her powers of complete obliviousness, can distract even the most sullen and lighten any mood around her.
Dad's detoxification program should be completed by Saturday, at which time he will be able to return home. He won't have Super Powers anymore. But, personally, I liked him way better without them.