OK, first off, I have to relate to you that "hornswaggle" is, indeed, a word. No, it's not going to appear on Dictionary.com and yes, it's got a bright red line under it, per spell check, but I assure you, it IS a word. Because YPPedia's page on Pirate Language says so!
Now back to my original point.
I was scammed, I tell you. SCAMMED!!!!
I think we all know by now that I am NOT a nice person. I am mean and deceitful and petty and self-absorbed (I have a whole blog all about ME for crimeny sakes!)
But as I was doing a bit of Christmas shopping (code for buying MORE stuff for ME!), there he was. Some old, dirty homeless dude sitting in the median, smack in between Target and Wal-mart.
That's certainly nothing new. We're in California, after all, there's TONS of old, dirty homeless dudes hanging out on medians. And as a rule, I do NOT give people money out of my car window unless they deal in french fries or refried beans. There are a couple of reasons for this:
1) I do not believe in encouraging careers in panhandling.
2) I do not know where the money is going. For all I know, they've got an SUV parked around the corner. A donation to a shelter or food bank at least allows me the knowledge of exactly where my dollar goes.
3) In this day and age, you just can't be too careful. (I'm equally distrustful of well coiffed people as much as homeless ones - probably more so.)
But this scalawag (boy, pirate talk is fun!) had an evil and underhanded trick tucked up in the crook of his arm...a sweet adorable puppy dog!
Now I ask you folks, what could I do??? You know this is my Achilles heel. Cute little animals with their fates outside of their own control.
It didn't help that I once read an article about how homeless people will keep dogs as pets and feed them before they feed themselves.
But I stuck to my rule. No monies change hands while seated in my car unless a sack of grease is being handed back to me (mmmm, anyone else hungry for fried chicken?)
So I got a bag of dog food instead.
And I thought it might be rude (because, you know, ALL of humanity should be treated with proper manners!) to feed the dog and not the person, so I included a ham and cheese sandwich as well.
After all, a REAL pirate is known to work outside of "The Rules."
